Giving Yourself Closure
Today we’re flexing our mind AND soul because we’re diving deep into one of my favorite topics: rElAtIoNsHiPs (and how to give yourself closure). SO buckle up because it’s STORY TIME!
About 5 weeks ago, I found out some news about my ex that stung. It wasn’t the fact that he was at the bar next door to me (literally 20 feet away) and I didn’t know it. Or the fact that it was Halloween and I looked fly as heck and low-key wanted him to see the goods.
To be completely honest, it was actually something completely harmless. In fact, on this Hallow’s eve, it just so happened that my ex ran into my longtime college best friend - who was randomly in town for the weekend - and proceeded to give her his full life update.
And you know what besties do when they run into a friend’s ex? THEY GIVE YOU A FULL REPORT OF ALL THE DETAILS BECAUSE DUH. (Come on…did he really think I wasn't going to find out?)
So the life update in a nutshell was this: I’m doing well, I’m moving to pursue my dreams in the next six months, life is good.
Seems pretty harmless, right? I mean it’s not like he has a new girlfriend or was macking on randos at the bar or anything like that.
But was my initial reaction to be happy for him? F*********ck no it wasn’t.
I was pissed. Want to know why? Because a major part of the reason I broke up with him is because he was not actively pursuing his passions like I was. I was chasing my damn dreams, breaking barriers in my life and conquering every single goal on my list. And he was in the back room playing video games, resenting me for my success. We just weren’t on the same level anymore.
So when I heard of his big plans to move and pursue this amazing dream he’s always had, my reaction was not to jump for joy. I literally thought to myself, and warning, this is explicit and some real/raw emotion:
Wow. How fucking selfish of him to want to go follow his dreams NOW after we’ve broken up. All I wanted when we were together was for both of us to make waves together. For him to support me in my success and for me to support him in his. But he wasn’t brave enough to make big leaps like I was when we were dating. And he punished me for doing it on my own. And NOW all of a sudden he wants to make the big moves? IT’S BULLSHIT.
*breathe*
It’s true. This is what my mind was telling me. But after I talked to my sister about this nugget of news, she helped me see it from a different perspective and I was able to do something that God was calling me to do. Let it the frick go. And genuinely be happy for him.
The realities of breakups are harsh. Yes it hurts to know your ex is moving on and starting a new chapter that you don’t get to be a part of. Yes you’ll always have love for that person. And yes you want to reach out and talk to him about it.
But you know what I’m going to do instead? Support him in secret. Be proud of him for making the leap that he wasn’t brave enough to do when we were together. Be grateful that I helped give him that push even though I had to break up with him first in order for him to get there. Pray for him that he doesn’t give up. And pray that he finds someone who can support him and love him in the ways I wished I could have.
What I really want to achieve by writing this blog is to let you know that it’s okay to have that initial emotional reaction. To feel those damn feels because we’re human beings and it’s only natural. Give your mind a chance to poop its pants.
But after you give yourself that moment, let it go. Take away the emotions tied to it and look at it from fresh eyes. Forgive. Love. And walk away. Not only for your own peace of mind and soul, but for the positivity you will reflect and put out into the world.
And that my friends, is called giving yourself closure.
Have any questions on relationships or any particular topics you want me to write about? Send me a message and let me know! Have a fabulous day kittens 😘
Xoxo,
Phoebs